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Why Rejection Hurts So Much?

Updated: Mar 10, 2021


I heard many times people talking about rejection. People used to tell me to not think about that,

to just forget or mostly they used to tell me that I always get everything that I want. Probably,

that was common in my life before; however, the transition to university let me see that life is not

so easy, is not so perfect. When we are just in our comfort zone is easy to believe that we will

always heard a ‘yes’ but life is about changing, is about taking risk, having mistake and learning

from them.

When we just began university, we had dreams/goals/ambitious. We wanted to fit, to meet

people and make friends. Some wanted to be more involved than others, to be a fresher

representative in your favourite society, to be a blogger or writer, or maybe to be the one who is

always organizing parties and events. Others wanted to work or to have internships. Panels, tips

and testimonials about Spring weeks of second and third year students began and the stress of

making the perfect CV, Cover Letter and interview dominated the atmosphere. I remember that

my mum told me: “You haven’t started university and you are thinking about working”. She

laughed and saw me as I was crazy while I was applying for my first spring week at the end of


With the pass of the months, I realized that things were not as simple as I imagine. I heard a lot

of “NO”, of all different types. Some were kind and other just destroyed me momentarily.

According to Psychologist Guy Winch, rejections are the most common emotional wound we

sustain in daily life. But why rejections hurt so much? A recent research discovered that the

same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we

experience physical pain. Therefore, small rejections hurt more than we think they should.

Rejections can generate emotional pain as well as damage our mood and self-esteem.

However, the greatest damage is self-inflicted. We try to destroy ourselves by lamenting our

shortcomings, feeling disgusted with ourselves and intensely self-criticizing.

Against rejections, there are two kind of people: those who let rejection define them and the

strong people who deal with it. Of course, Rejection hurts but it gives us the opportunity to learn

from it and realized that rejections do not define us. We cannot let our self-worth depend upon

other people's opinions because we are strong enough to get everything that we want if we fight for it. If you want a job and get rejected, keep applying. If you want a position in a society and

get rejected, keep being involved. If you want to be in first class and fail, keep studying, asking

for help, and practicing. If you really want something, you should never give up because

everyone receives what they deserve in the right time, in the right moment.

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